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Emotional Compulsions – part 4 – Being Nice


In my earlier blog where I wrote about our need for appreciation, I realised that I need to share another important but a linked emotional compulsion of “Being Nice”. Before you begin to form opinions or judgments on what’s wrong with “being nice”, I have to remind you, we are referring to the emotional ‘compulsion’ of being nice. Where you in your head are thinking something else but have a compulsion to be nice to them, like ‘he/she did not give that pen but to prove my superiority I will give mine because I am nice”. Though, when one is nice ‘consciously’, it is one of the most beautiful expressions of humankind. But when being nice is out of convictions, then this compulsion drives human behavior unconsciously.

This is one such compulsion which either makes us compliant or a rebel. Either we are nice and keep drifting away from the truth to the point of being illusive, becoming socially acceptable, eventually becoming addicted to appreciation.

Being nice truly feels worthwhile, thus we continue to appease others and keep buying peace in our lives. This peace is quite turbulent at its core. It disturbs our inner self and destroys and upsets all those who truly care about us. Initially they ask us questions or fight with us, but then they stop. Eventually, there comes a stage where from being nice… we become nice. This is a phase when we have concluded that being nice is the way of life. Now the world can look at us predictably and call us nice.

Niceness is good if it is balanced. In most cases, it comes from a conviction or a belief that being nice is being Godly.

Somewhere as a human, when one felt small, timid or inadequate or was bullied, one did not know how to handle those situations. As a coping mechanism people adopt different lifestyles. Living with those feelings of being small is almost impossible. Some people become bullies, while some adopt the route to academics and show to themselves and the world that they aren’t small. Some people take to sports or different other physical skills, while some take to arts or literature. Some also find solace in spirituality while some make a pact with the devil. But the truth is that, as long as we are coming out of a belief or a conviction, it leads to regression.
Fear of being looked at as small, makes us work hard. We succeed but we also need to show to the world that we are not from the same pack of animals who look down upon people. Hence, we are nice. Once we choose to be nice, we continue to live in the delusion of being good and have fewer opportunities for evolution. Our actions are validated by the moral codes hence our compass seems to take us in the right direction. Yet, on close examination, one can clearly see that being nice compulsively is nothing but a coping mechanism to deal with our fears and sense of inferiority and inadequacy.

People who feel inadequate, resort to managing things and very rarely are they able to do ‘what is right’. They keep ‘buying’ peace.

Most people around them suffer. They cannot do or say what they feel. They are forever hesitant to hurt anyone; hence they remain bottled up and cannot express themselves freely. For them, their ‘own’ emotions& needs as well as the emotions & needs of their loved ones matter little. They can sacrifice themselves and their loved ones for the sake of others. Their personal emotional needs remain unfulfilled. People appreciate them, and this becomes their saving grace.

Being right is more important than being nice. Once I am compulsively nice, I will not be able to do what is Right.


  1. Post comment

    I mostly felt that buying peace is the best thing one can do to clear things. But I guess ‘resolving things’ has to be the ultimate conclusion to all matters. Great insights and reality check for me.. Thanks for sharing this 🙂

  2. Post comment

    Being right is more important than being nice. Once I am compulsively nice, I will not be able to do what is Right.
    The bottom line. As it happened recently, two boys had an argument in our work shop. My take is to be right and do justice to both. But in doing so, my first take is to be nice with them and side by side to design a path to bring the facts in front. Still working on it. And this blog will help me to be just right.


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