Celebrating Diwali (Festival of Lights) was fun and the long festive holidays are continuing and end this Sunday. Hope you had a great festive break (for those in India). I met many friends and family, shopped, cleaned up the house, meditated a lot, ate a lot, did my yoga, caught up with my sleep, studied and wrote. phew…. that’s a lot of activity. One nice picture that stuck with me is:
The Step 5 towards resolution of Complexity of Decisions is Remaining real about my expectations from others. While arriving at a decision, I know of my dependence on various people and situations. This dependance can either make me humble or arrogant.
Each time I am in a mental state of helplessness over the fact that I am now dependant on another person, I notice that I start examining their personas, their strengths and weaknesses, their behaviours and attitudes, and I come up with methods and tricks from my bag of tricks to make them perform better and focus towards my Goals. The greater my obsession for accomplishing my goals combined with a feeling of dependance, the greater are my tricks and treats. I realised that it was my inner sense of being Inadequate that was the root cause of such a mental state. My obsession to achieve my Goals came primarily from a feeling of being inadequate so that I could have a better self worth. I understood that a human with poor self worth is usually arrogant, mean, manipulative, fearful and obsessed. This leads to an extreme need for victory and wins in turn creating their personalities. This gives rise to setting either over or under expectations. They then resort to giving people either over-encouragement or fear.
In contrast, there are those who know that they need to collaborate with others to accomplish goals. Their pre-judged mind does not exclude people and using an inclusive approach, they co-create a path for achievements. They value others and know that their success will be joint and can not happen through individual heroism. Their ambitions burn bright in their hearts, yet they remain sensitive towards ambitions of their people and clearly know that actual growth and accomplishments will happen purely as per other’s ambitions. Hence, they work towards enhancing abilities of their people in an absolute state of acceptance. Under no mental stress to achieve unreasonable ambitions, they do not manipulate people through false motivations and pep talks.
My experience tells me that setting real expectations and constantly working towards people’s enhanced abilities gives tremendous results. Planning becomes simpler since real expectations are in place along with a plan for continuous improvement.
About 8 months back, we were planning to expand a certain manufacturing business, the market conditions proved that opportunity existed, our existing market and sales dynamics could also tap into the market possibilities, but when I noticed that the concerned leader who would lead the product development, supply chain and manufacturing process, was in a zone of complacence due to his personal life situations, I decided not to expand till this person raised his own expectations of himself. If I had been under fear (of losing the market opportunity) or obsession to achieve a Goals, I would have given him false motivations, incentives, fear, pep talks, over encouragement, etc. and got him in line with my goals. But I chose against it and instead constantly counselled him and waited for him to realise his own complacence. It took me nearly 6 months but I remained real about my expectations and did not put him in any pressure to comply. Once, he realised his own mental state, there was no looking back and the project took off and progressed at a pace that was otherwise unimaginable.
My lessons were:
- Accepting others as they are and helping them overcome their limitations raises their own abilities.
- This leads to increased levels of accomplishments.
- This is much easier and resolves the riddle of complexity of decisions.
- Instead of working on or around people, help them work on themselves.
- Chase goals in a reasonable manner.
- Achieving more in less time is good but if it produces stress for you and others, then such achievements are usually short run in nature.
I understand and realise that people have limitations and are struggling with their own compulsions. Hence, I remain committed to them and help them do things better. My expectations from them remain reasonable and real. I work on examining my expectations on a weekly basis and align myself towards reality.
Do read this 3 to 4 times and start setting real expectations instead of over or under expectations. Understand that it is our own inadequacies that make us compulsive. Those who are not enslaved by their compulsive feelings remain real and engage better. For them there is no Complexity, there is only Clarity.
I am attempting to reach out to more people to share those secrets that helped me resolve my Life. Do share your thoughts and experiences to help many many more.